To call me brave might be a stretch

Monday night a grossly large spider came out of nowhere and pranced (I don’t know if spiders prance but this one seemed to be prancing) across the room in front of my eyes. I hate spiders (and crickets but that is another story) and I’ll do anything to avoid them. At the same time, when a spider so blatantly ignores the rules of the treaty, (out of sight, out of mind) then I’m in a tight spot.

My thought was, “I don’t want to kill you spider but I also don’t want you prancing around in my bathroom.” So, I squealed like a little girl, told the person I was on the phone with to hold on(that’s right there was “ear” witness to all this, and I smacked the spider with a shoe.  And then I ran to my bed and got under the covers and called for the hubs to come look at it.

Do not be fooled, don’t think I’m brave for killing the spider. I was wholly motivated by fear of the alternatives. Showering with the spider, waking up with the spider on the wall by my bed (or IN my bed), sitting on the pot while the spider prances about. None of the above were acceptable options.

Thursday night I had a similar experience. I stood in front of an intimidatingly large group of people and told my story.  We’ll my story is 34 years long, so I didn’t tell the whole thing, but more like I used to live like that and now I live like this.  I can honestly say, I have never been so freaking panicked in my life, even on Monday when I saw the prancing spider but because I am a creature of habit, I went  about it in kind of the same way as I took on the spider.  I just decided to go for it.

My thought was, “I don’t want to to get up there in front of all those people and talk about myself but I don’t want to miss the chance to say something that could encourage someone else.” So that’s what I did, with the help of the hubs and some friends, I prepped and then I did it.  Those 25 minutes went fast. And I did not end gracefully, I just ended. Still, I am astounded by the number of people who said that they related to my story, that they had felt the same way before, that they were touched and encouraged by what I’d shared.

Risk v. reward.

This week I was reminded that I may on a slow roar towards bravery but taking risks will get me there. And that the feeling of relief on the other end is just one of many rewards.

Now, this is not the beginning of an illustrious career in pest control or public speaking but I survived both this week and I am better for it.


About nikirush

I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
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One Response to To call me brave might be a stretch

  1. LJ says:

    So proud of you, Niki! And brave is exactly what you are.

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